After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
smell my finger.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
