he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
