The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
