Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
