i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
