I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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