We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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