I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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