matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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