Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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