I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
