so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
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