I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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