Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
