Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
