Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize