am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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