Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
