so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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