I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
