yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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