Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Randomize
