And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
