girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
