don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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