I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He has the fingertips of a God
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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