he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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