either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
