I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
