So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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