I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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