No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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