i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
