Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
