Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
