No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Everclear isn't food dammit
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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