ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
