i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
worst night to have a conscience
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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