i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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