i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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