who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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