and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
