i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Ladies don't puke and tell
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
