Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
