"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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