After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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