Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
