I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
