So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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