Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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