for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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