do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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