Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
