Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
