Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
