He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
