2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's rum buckets o'clock
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
