At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
