Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
