I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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