I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize