I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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