can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
