So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
