You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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