Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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