The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
