i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm at about main and main street
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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